Funny Retirement Quotes
Children are the leading cause of old age.
Retirement: the pay sucks,
but the hours are really good!
How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Only one, but it might take all day.
When is a retiree’s bedtime?
Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.
Age is an issue of mind over matter.
If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter,
Retirement kills more people than hard work ever did.
You know you’re fifty when your chiropractor sends you birthday cards.
You know you’re getting old when you have more candles
on your cake than friends at your birthday party.
To be old and wise,
you must first be young and stupid.
Just remember, it’s better to pay full price
than to admit you’re a senior citizen.
I’m not retired – golfing is a full-time job!
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth!
Retired and happy. spending my kids’ inheritance.
Retirement is what you do between doctor appointments.
Retirement is when you stop living at work
and start working at living.
Retire from work, but not from life.
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Funny Retirement Quotes
I need to retire from retirement.
I think that retirement is the first step towards the grave.
Regular naps prevent old age,
especially if you take them while driving.
If the music’s too loud, you’re too old.
I love coffee.
It’s Redbull for old people.
The company gave me an aptitude test
and I found out the work I was best suited for was retirement.
You have to put off being young until you can retire.
Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.
Except for the occasional heart attack,
I feel as young as I ever did.
Age is an issue of mind over matter.
If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
Retirement: When you stop lying about your age
and start lying around the house.
A lot of our friends complain about their retirement.
We tell ’em to get a life.
The harder you work,
the harder it is to surrender.
It is better to live rich than to die rich.
Funny pretty nice
Retirement: No Job, No Stress, No Pay!
Retire from work, but not from life.
I’m not just retiring from the company,
I’m also retiring from my stress, my commute,
The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.
Planning to retire? Before you do find your hidden passion,
do the thing that you have always wanted to do.
You have to put off being young until you can retire.
There is a whole new kind of life ahead,
full of experiences just waiting to happen.
Some call it ‘retirement.’ I call it bliss.
Age is an issue of mind over matter.
If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
Retirement: no job, no stress, no pay!
Retire from work, but not from life.
It is better to live rich than to die rich.
If people concentrated on the really important things in life,
there’d be no shortage of fishing poles.
As for me, except for the occasional heart attack,
I feel as young as I ever did.
The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.
You have to put off being young until you can retire.
Retirement quotes funny
There is a whole new kind of life ahead,
full of experiences just waiting to happen.
Some call it retirement; I call it bliss.
In retirement, I look for days off from my days off.
Paradoxically, the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone,
but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
The company gave me an aptitude test and I found
out the work I was best suited for was retirement.
Sometimes it’s hard to tell if retirement is a reward
for a lifetime of hard work or a punishment.
I think that retirement is the first step towards the grave.
Often when you are at the end of something,
you’re at the beginning of something else.
Retirement is not in my vocabulary.
They aren’t going to get rid of me that way.
I need to retire from retirement.
Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.
Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with
the time we have rushed through life trying to save.
A retired husband is often a wife’s full-time job.
When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband’s
but only half the income.
I always likened retirement to falling off a cliff,
and then you have to kind of brush yourself off.
Retirement poems
Retirement at 65 is ridiculous.
When I was 65, I still had pimples.
You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.
There’s never enough time to do all the things you want.
As in all successful ventures,
the foundation of a good retirement is planning.
When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance,
his colleagues generally present him with a watch.
My retirement plan is to get thrown into a minimum security prison in Hawaii.
Retirement: world’s longest coffee break.
Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas.
The goal is to enjoy it to the fullest,
but not so fully that you run out of money.
I have never liked working.
To me, a job is an invasion of privacy.
He who laughs last at the boss’s
jokes probably isn’t far from retirement.
Some start their retirement
long before they stop working.
Retirement: it’s nice to get out of the rat race,
but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.
You can’t retire from being great.
Some of the best memories are made in flip-flops.
We make a living by what we get.
We make a life by what we give.
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Retirement jokes
What do you call a person who is happy on Monday? Retired.
People will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget how you made them feel.
I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work.
So, I do it three or four times a day.
I’m not just retiring from the company,
I’m also retiring from my stress,
my commute, my alarm clock, and my iron.
Retirement is when you stop lying about
your age and start lying around the house.
Retirement is a time to do what you want to do
when you want to do it, where you want to do it,
and how you want to do it.
You’re retired – goodbye tension, hello pension.
Retirement is wonderful.
It’s doing nothing without worrying about getting caught in it.
The best time to start thinking about
your retirement is before the boss does.
You don’t stop laughing when you grow old.
You grow old when you stop laughing.
To me, retirement means doing what you have fun doing.
Retirement is wonderful if you have two essentials:
much to live on and much to live for.
Retirement: that’s when you return home from work
one day and say, ‘Hi honey, I’m home forever.
Retirement is not the end of the road.
It is the beginning of the open highway.
Don’t act your age in retirement.
Act like the inner young person you have always been.
Retirement funny
You can never have a comeback if you don’t have a retirement.
I see retirement as just another of these reinventions,
another chance to do new things and be a new version of myself.
Golf is played by 20 million mature American men
whose wives think they are out having fun.
A lot of friends complain about their retirement.
We tell ’em to get a life.
In retirement, every day is Boss Day
and every day is Employee Appreciation Day.
Working people have a lot of bad habits,
but the worst of those is work.
Money is something you have to make in case you don’t die.
I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap.
Gainfully unemployed, very proud of it, too.” – Charles Baxter
The best thing about retirement is not having to wear pants.
You might be on the back nine of life, but it’s good to finish strong.
Retired is being tired twice, I’ve thought,
the first tired of working, then tired of not.
You’ve heard of the three ages of man:
youth, middle age, and you’re looking wonderful.
Goodbye to 9 to 5. Hello, time.
We no longer follow traditional retirement models.
We have rebelled against them.
Funny retirement cards
Retirement means no pressure, no stress,
no heartache unless you play golf.
I work harder now that I have retired from corporate life,
than when I worked, but I love it.
I am a free man. I feel as light as a feather.
Happiness is being like you – retired!
The money’s no better in retirement but the hours are.
Retirement is when you stop living at work
and begin working at living.
Retirement itself is the best gift.
No gold watch could ever top it.
Goodbyes are only for those who love with their eyes.
Because for those who love with heart
and soul, there is no such thing as separation.
No distance of place or lapse of time can lessen the friendship
of those who are thoroughly persuaded of each other’s worth.
The story of life is quicker than the wink of an eye,
the story of love is hello and goodbye until we meet again.
You and I will meet again When we’re least expecting it,
One day in some far-off place, I will recognize your face,
I won’t say goodbye my friend, For you and I will meet again.
There is nothing to regret with a job well done.
Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.
It’s time to say goodbye, but I think goodbyes are sad
and I’d much rather say hello. Hello to a new adventure.
There is a whole new kind of life ahead,
full of experiences just waiting to happen.
Some call it ‘retirement.’ I call it ‘bliss.
Goofy looking people
The biggest adventure you can ever take is to live the life of your dreams.
Dare to live the life you have dreamed for yourself.
Go forward and make your dreams come true.
To me, retirement means doing what you have fun doing.
Life is a journey, not a destination.
I see retirement as just another of these reinventions,
another chance to do new things and be a new version of myself.
Life is a daring adventure or nothing at all.
Teachers, I believe, are the most responsible
and important members of society because of their professional
efforts affect the fate of the earth.
A teacher affects eternity;
he can never tell where his influence stops.
What greater joy can a teacher feel than to witness a child’s success?
The greatest use of a life is to spend it for something that will outlast it.”
When the untapped potential of a student
meets the liberating art of a teacher, a miracle unfolds.
Teaching kids to count is fine,
but teaching them what counts is best.
Age is an issue of mind over matter.
If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida,
but they turned sixty and that’s the law.
There’s one thing I always wanted to do before I quit retiring!
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Funny retirement sayings
There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want.”
Retirement: That’s when you return from work
one day and say, ‘Hi honey, I’m home forever.
Working people have a lot of bad habits,
but the worst of those is work.
You’ve worked your entire career for this very moment. enjoy retirement!
You will always be remembered for your hard work throughout the years.
Thank you for your dedication to the team. Enjoy your retirement!
Congratulations on your retirement!
While the money isn’t better in retirement, the hours sure are.
We wish you the best time off possible.
Congratulations on being able to never have to call in sick again.
Best of luck with your new retirement!
Just living is not enough
one must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower.
Why are people afraid of getting older?
You feel wiser. You feel more mature.
You feel like you know yourself better.
You would trade that for softer skin? Not me!
We don’t grow older, we grow riper.
Gainfully unemployed, very proud of it, too.
Retirement is wonderful.
It’s doing nothing without worrying about getting caught in it.
Getting old is like climbing a mountain;
you get a little out of breath, but the view is much better!
Retirement wishes funny
Great is the art of beginning,
but greater is the art of ending.
Often when you think you’re at the end of something,
you’re at the beginning of something else.
Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.
“Goodbyes make you think.
They make you realize what you’ve had,
what you’ve lost, and what you’ve taken for granted.
Don’t think of retiring from the world until the world
will be sorry that you retire.
The longer I live, the more beautiful life becomes.
Count your age by friends, not years.
There are far better things ahead than we ever leave behind.
Retire from work, but not from life.
The most important thing is to enjoy your life.
It’s been great working with you.
Here’s to a well-deserved and happy retirement.
All the best wishes on your early retirement!
Just think, you’ll never have to sit in on another conference call.
Enjoy your retirement!
It’s sad to say goodbye,
but great to see you are on your way to greener pastures.
You are a true friend and an incredibly hard worker.
Thank you for your years at this company.
Retired jokes
You will be deeply missed.
Thank you for everything you did.
Welcome to your newfound freedom in retirement!
Enjoy being the boss of your retirement!
We hope your retirement is filled with love, laughter, and joy.
You’re retired – goodbye tension, hello pension!
What do you call someone who’s happy on Mondays? Retired!
Retirement is when you switch bosses
from the one who hired you to the one who married you.
For many, retirement is a time for personal growth,
which becomes the path to greater freedom.
Retirement: That’s when you return from work
one day and say, “Hi, Honey, I’m home — forever.
Often when you think you’re at the end of something,
you’re at the beginning of something else.
Golf is played by 20 million mature American men
whose wives think they are out having fun.
You don’t stop laughing when you grow old.
You grow old when you stop laughing.
Retirement: that’s when you return home from work
one day and say, ‘Hi honey, I’m home forever.
Don’t act your age in retirement.
Act like the inner young person you have always been.
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Funny retirement messages
You can never have a comeback if you don’t have a retirement.
I see retirement as just another of these reinventions,
another chance to do new things and be a new version of myself.
A lot of friends complain about their retirement.
We tell ’em to get a life.
Money is something you have to make in case you don’t die.
I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon.
Then it’s time for my nap.