Funny Golf Quotes
Why settle for just a walk when you can also
get a tan from walking on the fairway?
Golf: is the only thing more frustrating
Then the game is the dress code.
Why enjoy the peaceful sounds of birds?
when you can hear the satisfying thwack of a golf ball?
Golf is a great way to get fresh air, exercise,
and remind yourself that you’ll never be as good as Tiger Woods.
Why take in the scenery when you can also
take in a few hazards and a sand trap?
Golf, where every shot is a new opportunity to explore the beauty of nature,
Golf: the perfect excuse to wear a ridiculous hat in public.
Who needs a good walk when you can have a great
four-hour workout searching for lost balls?
Golf: where the trees are obstacles,
the water is a hazard, and the cart paths are the real enemy.
Why take a peaceful stroll when you can
get a workout and a sense of frustration all in one game?
Golf: where every shot is a chance to showcase
your creativity and your lack of skills.
Golf: the only game where you can
hit a perfect shot and still end up in a sand trap.
If golf was easy, it wouldn’t be as much
fun to watch pro golfers struggle with the same challenges.
Golf is a game of persistence – and a lot of bending
over to pick up the ball from the wrong place.
In golf, every shot is an adventure
but not always a good one.
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Funny Golf Quotes
If golf balls had feelings, they’d be wondering
why they always end up in the bushes.
Golf: where the ball’s final destination is a mystery until it’s too late to change it.
In golf, the ball always seems to find the one tree in a field of open space.
Golf is a game of aiming for one spot and ending up somewhere else entirely.
If the ball always landed where it should,
there’d be a lot less excitement and a lot more predictability.
I walk because I choose to,
I play golf because I choose to ruin my good walk.
Golf is the one sport where it’s okay
to look like you raided your grandpa’s closet.
If you’re not wearing plaid pants,
you’re missing out on the chance to show off your unique fashion sense.
Golf: where plaid pants are a way of life or at least a way of dressing.
In golf, plaid pants are the perfect distraction
from a bad shot for everyone else, at least.
If you’re not wearing plaid pants,
you’re probably not enjoying golf to its fullest potential.
Golf is the one sport where you can make a fashion
statement without even trying – just wear plaid pants.
In golf, plaid pants are like a secret code
only those who truly appreciate the game will understand their significance.
If you’re not wearing plaid pants,
you’re probably not living your best golf life.
Golf: where plaid pants are a way to stand
out on the course for better or for worse.
Funny quotes about golf
In golf, plaid pants are like a badge of honor
a sign that you’re not afraid to be a little bit tacky.
Golf is the one sport where you can be stylish
and comfortable at the same time – as long as you’re wearing plaid pants.
In golf, plaid pants are like a lucky charm – wear them, and maybe, just maybe, your shots will magically improve.
Golf is a game of surprises,
you never know where the ball will end up next!
If golf balls had GPS,
they’d still end up in the rough.
In golf, the ball has a mind of its own
and it’s not a very good one.
If the ball always landed where it should,
golf would be a lot easier – and a lot less entertaining!
Golf is like a box of chocolates sometimes you get a good shot,
and sometimes you get a lost ball in the woods.
In golf, the only thing more unpredictable
than the weather is the ball’s final destination.
Golf is a game of highs and lows
and a lot of searching for lost balls.
If golf balls could talk,
they’d probably ask to be hit somewhere other than the water hazard.
If you’re not talking to your ball,
you’re not tapping into the full potential of the mental game.
Golf is the only sport where your ball might actually
listen to you – or at least, it won’t talk back.
If you’re not talking to your ball,
you’re not building the relationship that leads to championship wins.
In golf, talking to your ball is like a secret weapon
it might not make sense to others, but it works for you.
Golfing quotes funny
If you’re not talking to your ball,
you’re not taking advantage of one of the most unique aspects of the game.
Golf is the one sport where your ball is your biggest fan
it’s always there, ready to listen to your every word.
If you’re not talking to your ball,
you’re not fully embracing the quirky charm of the sport.
In golf, talking to your ball is like a meditation
it helps you focus and tune out distractions.
If you’re not talking to your ball, you’re not tapping into the kind
of positive thinking that can lead to success.
Golf is the only sport where you can talk to your ball and not worry
about anyone thinking you’re crazy because everyone else is doing it too.
If you’re not talking to your ball, you’re not taking advantage of one of the most
satisfying experiences in the game hitting a perfect shot after a pep talk.
In golf, talking to your ball is like a ritua
it helps you get in the right mindset for every shot.
Golf: where the ball’s final resting place is anyone’s guess except for the ball’s.
In golf, even the best players have to accept that the ball
will sometimes go where it’s not supposed to – and that’s part of the fun!
Golf: because sometimes you just need to make nature more challenging.
Why enjoy a walk in the park when you can hit a tiny ball with a stick instead?
Golf is like a box of chocolates,
you never know when you’re going to lose a ball in the woods.
Who needs a tranquil stroll when you can spend
four hours searching for a ball in a sand trap?
Golf: where the holes are small, but the divots are huge.
Short funny golf sayings
If you think golf is a good walk spoiled, try playing with my uncle
who takes practice swings in the living room.
Why take a leisurely hike when you can throw
clubs in frustration on a beautiful course?
Golf is like life: sometimes you have to take a few Mulligans to get it right.
If you’re not talking to your ball,
you’re not fully embracing the quirky,
endearing nature of the sport and that’s a shame.
“Golf: where plaid pants are a fashion statement and not a fashion faux pas.”
If you’re not wearing plaid pants,
are you even really playing golf?
Golf is the only sport where you can dress
like a 90s sitcom character and nobody bats an eye.
In golf, fashion is just as important as your swing at least,
that’s what people wearing plaid pants will tell you.
Golf: where plaid pants are the perfect complement to a bad swing.
If you’re not wearing plaid pants,
you’re probably not taking golf seriously enough.
In golf, plaid pants are like a rite of passage the uglier, the better.
While playing golf today, I hit two good balls.
I stepped on a rake.
I am hitting the weeds just great…but
I have a terrible time getting out of them.
Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated;
it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect.
It is at the same time maddening and rewarding,
and it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented.
A great deal of unnecessarily bad golf is played in this world.
Funny golf quote
Golf is a game where white men can dress up as black pimps and get away with it.
Golf is like sex. When it’s good, it’s terrific.
When it’s bad, it’s still pretty good.
Golf is so popular simply because
it is the best game in the world at which to be bad.
I played golf with a priest the other day… He shot par-par-par-par.
Finally, I said to him, ‘Father, if you’re playing golf like this,
you haven’t been saving many souls lately.
A golf swing is a collection of corrected mistakes.
When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit.
It’s a marriage. If I had to choose between
my wife and my putter, well, I’d miss her.
His golf bag does not contain a full set of irons.
Golf’s three ugliest words: Still your shot.
I’ve spent most of my life golfing, the rest I’ve just wasted.
The difference between golf and government is that in golf you can’t improve your lie.
Golf is a better game played downhill.
The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight, and not too often.
Go play golf. Go to the golf course. Hit the ball.
Find the ball. Repeat until the ball is in the hole. Have fun. The end.
If you think it’s hard to meet new people,
try picking up the wrong golf ball.
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Funny golf quotes for ladies
My worst day at golf still beats my best day at work.
Golf is the classy way to avoid responsibilities.
Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at it.
It is often said that if a golfer’s mind is somewhere else while he is playing,
it will show up most clearly in his putting.
If it goes right, it’s a slice.
If it goes left, it’s a hook.
If it goes straight, it’s a miracle.
Golf can be best defined as an endless series
of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle.
The reason they call it ‘golf’ is that all the other
four-letter words were used up.
The most important golf shot is the next one.
When your shot has to carry over a water hazard,
you can either use one more club or two more balls.
Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves driving, chipping,
putting, and the ability to count golf strokes. MARC OSTROFSKY
Alan Shepard didn’t take a baseball or a soccer ball to the moon;
he took a 6 iron. Some folks will do anything to get a little extra distance on a drive! GEORGE FULLER
They say that golf is like life, but don’t believe them.
Golf is more complicated than that! GARDNER DICKINSON
God must have loved the Double Bogey Golfer
because he made so many of them. HOLLIS ALPERT,
IRA MOTHNER & HAROLD SCHO
Only bad golfers are lucky. They’re the ones bouncing balls off trees,
curbs, turtles, and cars. Good golfers have bad luck.
When you hit the ball straight, a funny bounce is bound to be unlucky.
A great day on a golf course is when you find more balls than you lose.
MARC OSTROFSKY IF OU ARE READING THIS SIGN, YOU ARE 87 YARDS OFFLINE.
It takes hundreds of good golf shots to gain confidence,
but only one bad one to lose it.
Golf quotes funny
The stages of a golfer’s game are Sudden Collapse, Radical Change,
Complete Frustration, Slow Improvement, Brief Mastery, and Sudden Collapse.
My putting style today is best described as misfortune.
Swing hard in case you hit it. DAN MARINO
Putts get difficult the day they hand out the money.
I’m an ordinary sort of fellow—42 around the chest, 42 around the waist,
96 around the golf course, and a nuisance around the house.
It’s often necessary to hit a second shot to appreciate the first one.
Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. You get bad breaks from good shots;
you get good breaks from bad shots – but you have to play the ball as it lies.
My god, he looks like he’s beating a chicken.
BYRON NELSON on actor Jack Lemmon’s golf swing
If I’m on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast.
If God wants to play through, let him.
I didn’t miss the putt. I made the putt. The ball missed the hole!
Golf and Sex are about the only
things you can enjoy without being good at them.
If profanity influenced the flight of the ball,
the game of golf would be played far better than it is.
Funny IG If Quotes My game is so bad I’ve got to hire three caddies one to walk the left rough,
one for the right rough, and one for down the middle. And the one in the middle doesn’t have to do much.
This is a game of misses.
The guy who misses the best is going to win. BEN HOGAN
I drove so badly today, my buddies put a ‘Student Driver’
sticker on the back of my golf cart.
It’s a marriage. If I had to choose between
my wife and my putter, well, I’d miss her.
Short funny golf quotes
When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit.
Golf tips are like aspirin. One may do you good, but you will be lucky to survive if you
swallow the whole bottle.
Golf is so popular simply because it is the best game
in the world at which to be bad.
Coom Tee the ball high. Through years of experience,
I have found that air offers less resistance than dirt.
The game just embarrasses you until you feel inadequate and pathetic.
You want to cry like a child.
My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt.
The rest can never be mastered.
Golf is not a fair game,
so why build a course fair?
I call golf “connect the sand trap.’
I can play four or five rounds without having the ball touch the grass once.
I learned one thing from jumping motorcycles that were of great value on the golf course,
the putting green especially: Whatever you do, don’t come up short.
By the time a man can afford to lose a golf ball,
he can’t hit it that far.
The hardest shot in golf?
I find it to be the hole-in-one.
A golf swing is a collection of corrected mistakes
Either you have to get better soon or quit telling people I’m your teacher.
DAVD MARR to Pro Football Hall of Famer Frank Gifford
Always keep in mind that if God didn’t want a man to have mulligans,
golf balls wouldn’t come three to a sleeve.
I was three over. One over a house, one over a patio,
and one over a swimming pool.
Funny funny golfing quotes
As we age, good shots fade, bad shots persist,
and new “what the fuck hots show up unexpectedly.
My clubs are well used, but unfortunately not used well.
Golf is a maddening compulsion, a diabolical trick, agony disguised as fun.
Golf is an easy game that’s hard to play.
Golf is the cruelest game because eventually, it will drag you out in front
of the whole school, take your lunch money, and slap you around.
The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share
his ideas about fixing your golf swing.
I’m always in trouble on the golf course. It’s the depth that seems to vary. -JAVIER RUBINSTEIN”
Whoever said “practice makes perfect”
never played golf. AUTHOR UNKNOWN”
I asked my good friend, Arnold Palmer,
how I could improve my game.
He advised me to cheat!
When discussing your golf round,
a bad shot often becomes a good lie.
I play golf like Cinderella. I never make it to the ball.
Half of golf is fun; the other half is putting.
If I can’t control my weight shift, my swing path,
or my ball flight, what makes you think I can control my emotions?
Golf is the only sport where you can practice every day
for six months and not get any better.
If your best shots are the practice swing and the ‘gimme putt,’
you might wish to reconsider this game.
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Sayings about golf
DEMARET SNEAD Keep a close count of your nickels and dimes.
Stay away from whiskey, and never concede a putt.
Golfers’ games are typically medium because
Those that are well done are rare.
It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball.
It took one afternoon on the golf course.
The game embarrasses you until you feel inadequate.
Golf is essentially an exercise in masochism conducted out of doors.
I gave up golf for painting because it takes me fewer strokes.
Golf is like sex. When it’s good, it’s terrific.
When it’s bad, it’s still pretty good.
I always say golf is like bicycle shorts.
It reveals a lot about a man.
If your putting is perfect,
it’s just a phase; this too shall pass.
You can make a lot of money at this game. Just ask my ex-wives.
Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands works.
There are two keys to enjoying golf:
Not to think or not to care.
Golf is based on honesty,
where else would you admit to a seven on a par three?
ak A golf ball will always travel
farthest when hit in the wrong direction.
I don’t fear death but I sure don’t like those 3-footers for par.
When I was growing up, I always dreamed about being a golfer.
Now I realize I should have been more specific.
Short golf sayings are funny
I’m hitting the woods just great,
but I’m having a terrible time getting out of them.
Nothing goes down slower than a golf handicap.
A golf course is a site to be holed.
Golf is a game invented by God to punish guys who retire early.
If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning,
hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.
Hannah Gregg @hannahbggg Guys can’t find the ketchup in the fridge
but they can find a tiny white ball 300 yards into the woods.
How can there be a 10-shot difference from one day to the next?
I think that’s just the nature of this stupid game!
I’m about five inches from being an outstanding golfer.
That’s the distance my left ear is from my right.
FRIEND: My country club has a strict dress code bro
please look presentable for our tee time.
The secret of golf is to turn three shots into two.
Acting is like golf: analysis leads to paralysis.
Do you know what it means to open up your scorecard
and see pars and birdies? It means you’ve got the wrong scorecard.
Golf swings are like snowflakes. There are no two exactly alike.
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight
Protestants, today it’s open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
Practice is the only golf advice that is good for everybody.
Golf sayings funny
A recent study has found that wives live longer than
their husbands who try to teach them how to play golf.
The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest
golf cart never has to play the bad lie.
Seven days without golf makes one weak.
It’s funny…you need a fantastic memory in this game to remember
the great shots and a very short memory to forget the bad ones.
Golf is not a game of good shots. It’s a game of bad shots.
P-U-T” means to place a thing where you want it.
P-U-T-T” means merely a futile attempt to do the same thing.
Why am I using a new putter?
Because the last one didn’t float very well.
Watching my buddy suck at golf.
Watching my buddy still suck at golf 15 years later
It does look like an excellent exercise.
But what is the little white ball for?
A great shot is when you pull it off.
A smart shot is when you don’t have the guts to try it.
Golf is mostly a game of failures.
Funny Golf Quotes.com If you break 100, watch your golf.
If you break 80, watch your business.
Golf giveth and golf taketh away,
but it taketh away a hell of a lot more than it giveth.
Golf teaches us that although patience is a virtue, slow play is not.
My divorce came to me as a complete surprise.
That’s what happens when you haven’t been home in 18 years.
Funny quotes golf
Funny Golf Quotes Golf is my profession.
Show business is just to pay the green fees.
Golf and Sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at them.
The only thing you should force in a golf swing is Funny
Golf Quotes the club back in the bag.
Don’t worry. You’ll get to the green.
The trick is getting there in fewer shots than the other guy.
Fame is addictive. Money is addictive.
Attention is addictive. But golf is second to none.
I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.
Stay true to yourself and listen to your inner voice.
It will lead you to your dream.
It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball.
It took one afternoon on the golf course.
Golf is a puzzle without an answer.
I’ve played the game for 50 years and I still
haven’t the slightest idea of how to play.
Give me golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner,
and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.
I started watching golf for the first time yesterday.
I`m really worried about myself. I was enjoying it.
If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even put.
Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men.
Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.
The only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula.
And I took a 7 to do that.
I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone’s game: It’s called an eraser.
Funny short golf quotes
If you watch a game, it’s fun.
If you play at it, it’s recreation.
If you work at it, it’s golf.
I call upon all nations to do everything they can to stop
these terrorist killers. Thank you. Now watch this drive.
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants,
today it’s open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
Mistakes are part of the game.
It’s how well you recover from them,
that’s the mark of a great player.
The most important golf shot is the next one.
I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.
The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie.
To find a man’s true character, play golf with him.
As you walk down the fairway of life,
you must smell the roses,
for you only get to play one round.
The only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula.
And I took a 7 to do that.
The difference between golf and government is that in golf you can’t improve your lie.
I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone’s game: It’s called an eraser.
It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball.
It took one afternoon on the golf course.
It’s good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
Golf’s three ugliest words: still your shot.
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Funny funny golfing quotes
Golf is a game that is played on a five-inch course the distance between your ears.
If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even put.
We learn so many things from golf—how to suffer, for instance.
I call upon all nations to do everything they can to stop
these terrorist killers. Thank you. Now watch this drive.